Background:
I
remember as a little girl always getting into my Grandmother’s make-up at her
house and wanting to put on her lipstick that was in a shape to conform to her
own lips. I wanted so badly to have
those ruby red lips that popped. As much
as I begged and begged, I was told “no” many times. It didn’t help that I had two older sisters,
the oldest being 6 years older. I was
constantly wanting to do what they were doing.
Once I
was in middle school, the momentous day came that I could begin wearing
make-up! I could only wear powder in
sixth grade, then added blush in seventh grade, and clear mascara in eighth
grade. By ninth grade, I could wear a
full face of make-up. I don’t know if it
was insecurities or the fact I never really fit in with the “in crowd,” but I
felt like make-up would solve all my problems.
Silly, I know. I had decided this
in my own head. I really don’t remember
watching my own mother put on make-up other than Sunday mornings before church.
Until
recently, if I was going to leave the house, I was going to be wearing
make-up. I am 28 years old…am I really
still that insecure?! My daughter, who is 2.5, will come in and see
me doing my make-up. She will climb onto
the closed potty and watch me while begging for “sparkly eyes.” I generally consent, telling her make-up is
just for fun and not necessary. I
realized not too many days ago what I was telling my daughter was not what I
was showing my daughter.
My Daughter:
I
realized in the moment that I spoke the words, “Make-up is for fun, not an
always thing,” that I was indeed lying to my daughter through my actions. The fact that unless I knew it was a pajama
day I would wake up, shower, and put on make-up; it told her make-up was necessary. I also recognized in that moment that I didn’t
want my daughter to grow up thinking she had to wear make-up to be pretty.
I had
emphasized on my own the importance of make-up.
I am vain, and I know what kind of thoughts go through your head every
day, and how much of a struggle it is to not make vanity an idol. I don’t want that for my daughter. I want her to realize it is who God has made
her to be that is important. I want her
to know that she can be drop dead gorgeous to the outside world, but if her
focus is on herself and not on God, she will not have a life of fulfillment. In writing this, I recognize it isn’t what I
want her to become that is important, it is instead what God has planned for
her life that matters. I do not want her
own vanity to divert her from finding God’s will in her life.
I
acknowledge some may think I am taking this a little far concerning make-up…it’s
just make-up! Right?!
It is, but it isn’t. Many things
in life are truly harmless, and make-up can be truly harmless. My issue is that make-up not become so
important in your life that you cannot leave the house without it. If you can’t leave your house without
make-up, you are vain. I can say this
because I am there, but I’m changing.
What people think of the way I look has been my biggest reason for
wearing make-up. It isn’t because it is
fun to put on (some days I loathe having to put it on…but it is a daily ritual
that I continue on), it simply has boiled down to the thought, “I can’t let
people see me like this! I look hideous without make-up on!” That friends, is harmful. It is harmful to my daughter. I am telling her that her value to others is
more important than her value to God because I devote so much time and
consistency to it.
I have
resolved myself to be an example to my daughter. Just today she walked into the bathroom after
I got out of the shower and remarked that I didn’t wash my hair today. She asked me, “Mommy, make-up?” I replied, “No, not today sweetie. Mommy doesn’t want to wear it today. It’s just for fun and when you want to play
with it.” I want to exemplify that to my
daughter. I want her to see a mother
whose heart is longing for God and not seeking others’ approval.
My son:
When I
first thought about this post, I really only thought about the implications for
my daughter. My thoughts immediately
fast forwarded 40 years (okay, more realistically, about 16 years) to when he
begins dating. I know that choices I
make as his mother will impact the choices he makes in who his wife will be one
day should that be God’s will. In that
moment I had to realize that how I view make-up impacts him as well.
I do
not want my son to grow up feeling like he has to put on a façade to hide
behind for others. I want him to feel
like he can be himself and not put on a show for acceptance. I also do not want him to put sole value in
his future partner based on her outward appearances. I want
him to make her feel like she is valuable because of who she is, not because of
what she looks like.
I want
my son to find a wife that yearns for God.
I want him to find someone that will help him follow God’s will in his
life and love him earnestly. See, that
is the other part I have come to understand in analyzing all of this: That while one might claim that they want to
look nice for their husband, it can easily turn into a self-centered
relationship. I do not want that for my
son.
Here is
what I want my son to see in me: A
follower of Christ’s will in her life; a wife who loves and is devoted to her
husband; a mother with understanding and compassion for her children; a teacher
who strives to do for children what is right.
I do not want him to see a mother who is self-centered. I want him to see a servant to others.
