Make-Up

Background: 

                I remember as a little girl always getting into my Grandmother’s make-up at her house and wanting to put on her lipstick that was in a shape to conform to her own lips.  I wanted so badly to have those ruby red lips that popped.  As much as I begged and begged, I was told “no” many times.  It didn’t help that I had two older sisters, the oldest being 6 years older.  I was constantly wanting to do what they were doing. 

                Once I was in middle school, the momentous day came that I could begin wearing make-up!  I could only wear powder in sixth grade, then added blush in seventh grade, and clear mascara in eighth grade.  By ninth grade, I could wear a full face of make-up.  I don’t know if it was insecurities or the fact I never really fit in with the “in crowd,” but I felt like make-up would solve all my problems.  Silly, I know.  I had decided this in my own head.  I really don’t remember watching my own mother put on make-up other than Sunday mornings before church.

                Until recently, if I was going to leave the house, I was going to be wearing make-up.  I am 28 years old…am I really still that insecure?!  My daughter, who is 2.5, will come in and see me doing my make-up.  She will climb onto the closed potty and watch me while begging for “sparkly eyes.”  I generally consent, telling her make-up is just for fun and not necessary.  I realized not too many days ago what I was telling my daughter was not what I was showing my daughter.

My Daughter:

                I realized in the moment that I spoke the words, “Make-up is for fun, not an always thing,” that I was indeed lying to my daughter through my actions.  The fact that unless I knew it was a pajama day I would wake up, shower, and put on make-up; it told her make-up was necessary.  I also recognized in that moment that I didn’t want my daughter to grow up thinking she had to wear make-up to be pretty.

                I had emphasized on my own the importance of make-up.  I am vain, and I know what kind of thoughts go through your head every day, and how much of a struggle it is to not make vanity an idol.  I don’t want that for my daughter.  I want her to realize it is who God has made her to be that is important.  I want her to know that she can be drop dead gorgeous to the outside world, but if her focus is on herself and not on God, she will not have a life of fulfillment.  In writing this, I recognize it isn’t what I want her to become that is important, it is instead what God has planned for her life that matters.  I do not want her own vanity to divert her from finding God’s will in her life. 

                I acknowledge some may think I am taking this a little far concerning make-up…it’s just make-up!  Right?!  It is, but it isn’t.  Many things in life are truly harmless, and make-up can be truly harmless.  My issue is that make-up not become so important in your life that you cannot leave the house without it.  If you can’t leave your house without make-up, you are vain.  I can say this because I am there, but I’m changing.  What people think of the way I look has been my biggest reason for wearing make-up.  It isn’t because it is fun to put on (some days I loathe having to put it on…but it is a daily ritual that I continue on), it simply has boiled down to the thought, “I can’t let people see me like this!  I look hideous without make-up on!”  That friends, is harmful.  It is harmful to my daughter.  I am telling her that her value to others is more important than her value to God because I devote so much time and consistency to it. 

                I have resolved myself to be an example to my daughter.  Just today she walked into the bathroom after I got out of the shower and remarked that I didn’t wash my hair today.  She asked me, “Mommy, make-up?”  I replied, “No, not today sweetie.  Mommy doesn’t want to wear it today.  It’s just for fun and when you want to play with it.”  I want to exemplify that to my daughter.  I want her to see a mother whose heart is longing for God and not seeking others’ approval.

My son: 

                When I first thought about this post, I really only thought about the implications for my daughter.  My thoughts immediately fast forwarded 40 years (okay, more realistically, about 16 years) to when he begins dating.  I know that choices I make as his mother will impact the choices he makes in who his wife will be one day should that be God’s will.  In that moment I had to realize that how I view make-up impacts him as well.

                I do not want my son to grow up feeling like he has to put on a façade to hide behind for others.  I want him to feel like he can be himself and not put on a show for acceptance.  I also do not want him to put sole value in his future partner based on her outward appearances.   I want him to make her feel like she is valuable because of who she is, not because of what she looks like.

                I want my son to find a wife that yearns for God.  I want him to find someone that will help him follow God’s will in his life and love him earnestly.  See, that is the other part I have come to understand in analyzing all of this:  That while one might claim that they want to look nice for their husband, it can easily turn into a self-centered relationship.  I do not want that for my son. 

                Here is what I want my son to see in me:  A follower of Christ’s will in her life; a wife who loves and is devoted to her husband; a mother with understanding and compassion for her children; a teacher who strives to do for children what is right.  I do not want him to see a mother who is self-centered.  I want him to see a servant to others.